There is No “Other”

So I got asked after talking about my injury “other than that, how are you?”

There is no other. There is only always. There is only that constant limit, not only to your mobility but also to your energy.

Unlike derby, where you can walk away from it when it gets too much, you can’t walk away from your injury. You can’t take the cast off for TEN minutes just to be able to rotate your ankle or stretch your leg. Everything, EVERYTHING is a fight and a hassle and a chore.

And it’s hard enough if you’ve got a partner you can lean on. I’m trying to figure out how to do all of this alone. And it sucks. My skater friends have enough to worry about with derby, they don’t need me bothering them. My Nero friends, well, that’s a complicated mess, right up there with the even more complicated mess that is my relationship with my boyfriend.

I just want to cry and scream and hide from the world. I want to be able to take a bath without being terrified of falling. How exactly do I ask for help with that? “Hi, can you come over and hang out in my living room while I take a bath?” I feel so scared and trapped and stuck and angry and frustrated.

And then, when you do screw up and fall, the world looks at you like you’re brain damaged. I fell at petsmart getting Eddie’s food (the store manager was so nice to do all the lifting and carrying for me), cause they’ve got polished concrete for their floor and I apparently found some dust or a slick spot. Down I went, right onto my left knee (the bad one), though that’s better than going down on my left foot. So one of the bystanders ever so helpfully told me that I needed to get something with some traction for the bottom of my cast. This is, mind you, while I’m still sorting out how bad the knee is. I know she was coming from a good place, but that was entirely unhelpful and really fucking condescending. Last time I checked, I sprained my foot, not my brain.

And then there’s my newly complicated relationship with derby.

So yeah, right now, I’m pretty low. Not at the bottom (been there, not going back), but definitely lower than middling. And I’m only one week in. 15 to go.

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My Naked Foot

I’ve got a gruesome picture in here, so if seeing a picture of my slightly swollen foot with stitches is discomforting, here’s a picture of my Eddington.

Cause a cute puppy makes everything better.

Cause a cute puppy makes everything better.

So I saw my foot for the first time today.  It was, um, interesting.  So I took a picture and annotated it, cause well, I’m an engineer.

What else would I do with a picture of my foot?

What else would I do?

 

Dr. Lindberg made sure everything looked right and was healing correctly. I go back in 3 weeks to remove the stitches.  That’ll be the halfway point, and there’s part of me that wants to throw a party, but more likely, I’ll go to practice and do what I can to help.

I got released to work out, but I still can’t make it through a day at work yet without risking overdoing it.  While I want to get going on that, I think the better part of valor is to wait till I *can* go to work all day and not want to sleep till Christmas once I get home.

Since I wasn’t able to give my present to its recipient, the knitting pattern will have to wait.

OH!  I almost forgot.  Vicodin is a LIAR.  I spent the past week thinking my hands had adjusted fairly well to the crutches and that they didn’t hurt anymore.  That is SO not the case, they hurt, it sucks.  Pain meds LIE.  Yes, I know that that’s their job, but damnit, why did they have to be so good at ALL of it?

The Art of the Overshare

I overdid it yesterday, so today was spent back in bed and on the couch. Wheee. Not as productive as I would have liked, but you know what, it was a day. Tomorrow will be seven weeks till the boot, not that I’m counting or anything.

I’ve got my follow-up appointment with Lindberg tomorrow morning bright and early. I get a pretty cast (I’m thinking black candy stripe on a red field, the opposite of what Queenie has), and hopefully released to workout to my heart’s content, so long as I don’t put pressure on my left foot.

*** Overshare warning *** Overshare warning *** Overshare warning *** Overshare warning ***

The warning is in the title. So you have been warned. Just sayin’.

A dirty little secret side effect of the pain meds is constipation. And oh does that suck. I had my first bowel movement today since surgery. It was an indescribable relief.

So I’ll end on that note. Oh finished the “surprises”. I think they look pretty badass. I’ll post the pattern and instructions tomorrow for anyone else who wants to make a set.

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New Habits are Hard

It’s been a few days. I need to work on getting better at that.

So Saturday night was a mix. I watched the Texecutioners beat the 5280 Fight Club. I watched my friends give it everything they had while I cheered and yelled impotently at my TV. My selfish hope is that in coming back from this injury I will get stronger and more agile so that I can contribute on that level again.

And I watched (most) of the Contenders solid win against the Firing Squad. There was more cheering and yelling, though it felt less fruitless cause we were winning. It was really cool to watch them skate (even though I so desperately wanted to be there with them).

Sunday, I dropped my Dad off on his pointed head at the airport. I was actually really sad to see him go. Having him here was really awesome, and I don’t think I’d be doing as well as I am if he hadn’t been here. So here’s to the magical amazing healing power of love and daddies and all that mushy crap.

Jenn also came over to visit, which was awesome. She’d been sick and out of town, so I hadn’t seen her in a while and it was nice to catch up. That, and she’s done the day surgery a couple of times for a variety of reasons, so it was nice to have her advice and perspective on the whole process.

Last night I started a little surprise project to keep me busy and somewhat focused. I’ve got an interim status pic (which I think looks pretty cool). Hopefully, in the next few days I’ll have it done and the recipient can model it. I hope it turns out well!

Or I fail at uploading images. I’ll try again later, cause I’m tired and it’s bedtime.

Edit:

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Brave

So apparently my dad had never seen Brave.  So I’m glad I got to share with him my favorite Disney movie (Mulan was #1 until Brave came along).

Rob came by today and he brought AMAZING Mediterranean food (drool-worthy zomg tasty) from Jerusalem.  And Eddie proceeded to make a new best friend with Rob, probably cause Rob smelled like his beagles.

Dad keeps on making friends with my friends.  Who knows, this next surgery at the end of August, he might actually be looking forward to coming back up here.  😀  There are worse fates.

But that’s been the highlights of my day.  I’m *starting* to get stir crazy, so we might be on track for grocery shopping tomorrow.

Things that are gonna be hard to do on my own: laundry, grocery shopping, vacuuming the apartment, taking Eddie out on a semi-regular basis.  I know all of those are suck chores to need help with, at varying intervals.  Hopefully, Jess can help me out with Eddie.  How would I go about asking for or incentivizing help with the others?

Visitors!

So today was pretty sociable.

Frak came by with tasty Indian spiced chicken casserole, and stayed with me while Dad made a run to the store.  We hung out and I was able to get her set up with my sticky wheels (my Road Hogs, Stingers and Poisons) and some extra tools for the Contenders in Austin this weekend.

I took a long nap after that (cause apparently talking is exhausting in my current state) and  then Rowdy showed up with nummy meat and cheese and veggie pasta.  There was more chitchatting and hanging out.  And then Seth dropped in with sorbet, which was a nice surprise.  All the while I’m socializing, Dad was slaving away finishing up the Energy Bites for the Contenders (cause well, if I could have done it myself I would have, but Dad didn’t want me mixing and cooking on his bed, the couch).

And somewhere in there, the fentanyl wore off.  I’m not hurting (cause we’re staying on top of the Percoset), but I’m now very aware of my left foot.  6 days till I can get back to working out again.  It’s the small milestones.

Wheeeee

Ow

Shiny new hardware

I think the worst part of the whole affair (to this point) was waking up in a panic from the anesthetic.  That was Not Fun.  Other than that, it’s going alright.  My left foot is comfortably numb, I’ve got a monster of a cast on it now, and a fairly severe headache (I don’t want to think how bad this would be if I *wasn’t* on happy meds).

Dad has been fantastic.  I am really really lucky that he’s here and that he’s a super awesome.  Yes, my dad is super awesome.  I win at life (at least this part).

Other good news is that the rest of my foot was stable enough with only two screws.  The third would have been along the smaller bones further to the outside.  So yay, only needing to deal with my big toe’s support structures (Damnit Jim, I’m an engineer, not a doctor).

Percoset is my new best friend (sorry Kitty and Rosie).  I think I’m gonna call it an early evening, get ALL the sleep, and maybe be decent company if anyone wants to stop by tomorrow.